so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
