so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
