My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
