Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
