bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
