Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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