plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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