I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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