She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
