Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
