you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
