names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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