I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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