she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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