I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My feet surprised me
Randomize
