so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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