The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
