Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
