YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
