after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
