I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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