I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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