i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
