Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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