so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
