Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
