I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
