How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
