And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
