woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
false alarm, still single
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
