I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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