eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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