Already got asked if we're dating
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
