You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
