Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
