The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
