I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
