she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
