Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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