I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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