Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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