it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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