Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
