that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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