I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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