then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
