You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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