dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
we're so committed to being not committed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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