just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
