Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
