That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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