I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
