i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
