I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
