Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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